Counting Our Blessings

Calvin's having a rough day.  Up at 7:30! He wasn't really up!  Awake yes, up no!  Very angry and confused.  Determined to control the dressing process but unable to stand up straight.  I used to massage his legs before I helped him out of bed in the morning but stopped that about 2 months ago.  After watching him struggle with weakness in his legs for the last few weeks I thought perhaps restarting the leg massages would help.  He laid quietly on our bed while I rubbed. rotated, bent and straightened each leg.  He showed no signs of discomfort but after a few minutes when I attempted to help him stand and then walk to the bathroom, he was resistance. When I asked why he was pulling away - he gave no answer.  I proceeded to pull him into the bathroom, by this time he seemed angry so I lost my temper and demanded that he choose to either get dressed or return to bed and that I was tired of fighting with him.  Again, no answer.  Finally - and this is important for me to note, I asked him for permission to bathe him and help him finish the routines of the morning.  At that point, he softened and was fine until we started for the kitchen to get his breakfast.  More resistance, more polite requests from me then finally we arrived in the kitchen and I was able to prepare his breakfast, but I soon discovered that the battle was far from over. 

After eating, he decided he wanted to stand and did not want my help.  For fifteen minutes he rocked and pulled and struggled to simply rise to a standing position in front of the lift chair.  When he managed to reach a standing position - he stood still with his head bent for another five minutes and said nothing.  Then asked me to help him sit back down.  At this point, I had given up understanding or making any sense of the events of the morning.  "No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it, but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead.  I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus is calling us." Philippians 3:13-14.

Later, while he rested in his chair, I retreated to the back yard to "work off" my frustrations.  At that point, I raked grass and I prayed.  Sharing every frustrations with the only One who can help or understand.  I can't believe how often the thought comes to mind that I am once again a victim of chaos.  As I have explained in a previous blog, much of this process is like my childhood, and I am reminded that growing up (physically) enabled me to move beyond my parents problems.  This time I must yield to the work of growing up spiritually.  The Holy Spirit reminds, as we travel through our wilderness, that we only feel overwhelmed when we forget that He is working his will in our lives. 

Last Spring I heard about a book that has helped me begin that painful growing process.1,000 Gifts by The author, Anne Blank and I have a lot in common.  Like me, her childhood experiences had left a dark blot on her present life, until she learned gratitude.  In the book she describes how thankfulness set her free to live in and enjoy the present.  In an effort to follow her example, I will be counting my blessings. 

1.  We are not alone.  Not only has God not forsaken us, but he has also provided a plethora of friends, doctors, and helpers for every turn in the bend.  Back in 2006 I had prayed for a top of the field neurologist to care for Calvin.  I found an excellent doctor; a leading authority in the field but was told that it might be months before we could get an appointment.   Feeling God's guidance, I called anyway, and even though I did not know his nurse or ask for her I was immediately put through to her extension.  After hearing my story she politely promised to "let me know." The very next day Calvin had an appointment.  "My God shall supply all of our needs according to his riches in glory."  PS:  During the first few months Calvin was in his care, Dr. Ronald Pfiffer, called me at home from his home; from a medical conference in Juno, Alaska and late in the afternoon from his office.  Now let me say, I am overwhelmed by the excellence this doctor shows at every turn, but I am equally overwhelmed with my God who supplied him.

2.  The two of us have been given a marvelous gift - a successful, loving marriage.  Forty-eight years of bliss - Not!!  But forty-eight years of commitment to God and to each other.  We have ridden the highs and lows together.  We have seen each other at the worst and at the best, we have been in plenty and in want.  We have fought over both trivial and important things.  We have not just survived, we have loved.  We are blessed!

3.  Please allow me to count another of God's blessing for us, our children.  During our forty-eight years we have birthed, grown, disciplined, guided and loved two godly, gifted children who are now strong, responsible adults who love God and family more than life itself. 

4.  Last and certainly not least - our grandchildren and great grandchildren - nine grand and two great grand.  Elizabeth, our oldest at twenty-seven is intelligent, thoughtful and gives her best to her husband, children and family.  Lauren twenty-three is beautiful, caring, and completely dedicated to us.  Drew is twenty-one, hard working, caring and a gifted mechanic.  Tyler at eighteen stands on the verge of life waiting to jump in with both feet.  He has enlisted in the Marine Corp and leaves for boot camp in two months.  Next is Jake, an awesome almost sixteen year old, who steals our heart with his broad smile and gifted ways.  Then Emily - one minute a child and the next an adult - stands full of excitement ready to jump headlong into her future!  With indescribable beauty, intelligence and athletic ability she gives our hearts much joy.  Luke at thirteen is handsome and confident.  He loves the Lord and shares his faith without fear. Next is Carson - Prince Caudill is the only boy to carry on the Caudill name.  How do I describe what a blessing he is?  Smart, handsome, strong and the mirror image of his dad at that age.  He wins my heart over and over.  Last of the grands is Micah - love personified, is beautiful inside and shines her way into all of our hearts.  The two great-grands are joy personified.  Little blond curls and bright shining eyes full of wonder, she holds most special place in our hearts.  Nicholas as strong as his name, only needs to roll over for the first time on an I-phone video to brighten an otherwise lonely day. 

We are troubled, we are weak, we are bewildered, but we are also blessed.  God is good and greatly to be praised.