"By my God I have run through a troop, I have climbed over a high wall."  Psalm 18:29 

This verse precisely describes our saga this past week, but the final outcome is all that counts.  Someone has said, "It's not how you run the race that counts, it's how you finish."  Well we are certainly not finished yet, but we have "climbed over a high wall," and by our God we intend to finish well. 
To the details:  As many of you know Calvin and I have been and are still going through a tremendous battle.  Our health, our family relationships and our faith have been tested.  Since Calvin was diagnosed in 2004 we have faced and conquered many trials, but for the past six years we had settled into a comfortable place of God's rest.  Our daughter and grandchildren were living with us and for a time my younger brother did to.  With God's grace and favor we had found and continue to see two outstanding physicians - Dr. Ronald Pfiffer and Dr. James Sikes.  A year ago when I felt we hadn't done all we could to find a cure or to postpone the progression of the disease, we were given the opportunity for a second opinion.  An appointment with a world renowned neurologist at the Mayo Clinic became available and at the finish we knew that we had explored every open door.  As you can see we are not, nor have we ever been, without God's guiding hand.  Nevertheless, once again we have reached a new phase in this long goodbye. 

You see, I have reached and accepted the fact that, on my own, I can no longer provide the kind of care Calvin needs.  This awareness has been creeping into my thinking for some time, but I just wouldn't let go.  Beginning just a few weeks back, Calvin began to fall more; seemed even more confused; and was declining a little more each week.  As a result, beginning next week Calvin will be in the care of a hospice agency.  Hospice care is perceived by many as only for those who are near death and that very definition has made me resistant to it.  Thanks to Calvin's doctors I now have a less biased opinion about hospice care and I believe it might be helpful to friends, family and others to understand what hospice does for people in our situation.  The following is taken from the Medicare.gov website.  If you are interested in learning more here is the full address:  http://www.medicare.gov/publication/Pubs/pdf/02154.pdf

1. Hospice helps people who are terminally ill live comfortably.
2. The focus is on comfort, not on curing an illness.
3. A specially trained team of professionals and caregivers provide care for the "whole person," including his or her physical, emotional, social, and spiritual needs.
4. Services may include physical care, counseling, drugs, equipment, and supplies for the terminal illness and related condition(s).
5. Care is generally provided in the home.
6. Hospice isn’t only for people with cancer.
7. Family caregivers can get support.

Long story short I have once again seen God's merciful, guiding hand and feel His peace at every turn.  The greatest gift we are given in this journey is - trust.  It's crazy to say but God has an amazing sense of humor.  The year before Calvin was diagnosed the Holy Spirit compelled me to write a Bible study about - trust. The morning I reluctantly began that process I sat in front of my computer and told the Lord that if he wanted me to write - he would have to give me a topic.  Immediately the following verse came to mind, "They then said, What are we to do, that we may (habitually) be working the works of God?  (What are we to do to carry out what God requires?)  Jesus replied, This is the work (service) that God asks of you:  that you believe in the One Whom He has sent (that you cleave to, trust, rely on, and have faith in His Messenger)."  John 6:28-28 AMB  Get it?  Jesus said all we have to do is believe.  And so the Bible study began.   It took six months or more to write, but the entire time (just prior to Calvin's health crises began) God was teaching me to "trust" by keeping me immersed in His Word.  The reason I said God has a sense of humor is this:  During that entire writing process I thought I was writing the study for others.  With that in mind I dug and studied, read and pondered, until I could speak from memory the truths about faith.  Then came the diagnoses, one after another.  First prostate cancer then a mild stroke of unknown origin; a suspected tumor behind one eye; Parkinson's disease and finally Lewy Body dementia.  (lbda@lbda.org) That was the day The Long Goodbye began for us. 

The key for us was, and continues to be, habitual trust because running through "a troop" and climbing high walls without fear requires a strong faith.   I'll end this post - with more to come in this continuing saga - with this verse from that study.  "Lean on, trust in, and be confident in the Lord with all your heart and mind and do not rely on your on insight or understanding.  In all your ways know, recognize, and acknowledge Him, and He will direct and make straight and plain your paths."  Proverbs 3:4-5 AMB